Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
