May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
