he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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