It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
