Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
