Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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