Umm I'm too high to move.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
