you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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