Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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