Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
