sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
