Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
