Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
