i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
