I didn't shave. On purpose
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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