Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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