apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
