I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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