If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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