capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
