it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
