So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
