just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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