just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
