You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
