Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
