Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
