i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
