he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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