My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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