This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
