Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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