He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize