she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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