I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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