He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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