her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
