I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
