we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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