I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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