Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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