dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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