Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
