12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
