is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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