Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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