are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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