I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
