Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
