Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
