there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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