I just threw up on my dentist
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
