Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drunk is not a location!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.