I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
