At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
