i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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