please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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