Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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