He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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