There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
