No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
