you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
