I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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