There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize