That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
