It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
