I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
