bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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