my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest