I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
