Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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