he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
