On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?