There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.