Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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