My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
