im holly from the hills drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
