airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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