My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
