I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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