Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
