Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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