white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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